Happy September. Day 1 Workout
Glorious September!
It’s the start of a new month.
A new hurricane swirling its way up the coast.
New episodes of your favorite network show.
A new series of training at the fitness studio.
Another opportunity to rid of the kids for a good 8 hours a day.
Glorious September 🙂
And to boot, it’s like 80-something degrees outside! Great beach weather. Especially here in Marshfield!
And while it’s still beach weather, you should still be leaning towards a beach body.
So, Just take those old records off the shelf, sit and listen to ’em by ya’self, and handle 20 up-downs, mix in 25 pike push-ups, toss in 15 jump squats and hold your abs in for another minute while you plank it out.
Rest 30 seconds, rinse, lather and repeat.
Here’s an up-down:
[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/3GWO8bgQHK0" width="425" height="344" allowfullscreen="true" fvars="fs=1" /]
(Adam O’Reilly – University of Miami)
or a tougher one…
[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/plIk53ItuXU" width="425" height="344" allowfullscreen="true" fvars="fs=1" /]
(Robert Belley – University of I Rock!)
Here’s a pike push-up:
[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/HKj--qehFXE" width="425" height="344" allowfullscreen="true" fvars="fs=1" /]
(Adam O’Reilly – University of Miami)
Here’s a jump squat:
[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/_9E5xX0vCmM" width="425" height="344" allowfullscreen="true" fvars="fs=1" /]
(Adam O’Reilly – University of Miami)
Here’s a plank:
[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/JtMLDSMbwqE" width="425" height="344" allowfullscreen="true" fvars="fs=1" /]
(Nate Dunn – Marshfield High School)
Do this today thank me later 93.7 Mike FM fan 😉
Good luck tonight to the Red Sox as they dismantle the evil empire.
Live the dream,
Rob Belley
www.RBFIT.com
Anti-Lovely Lady Lump tips for the Fella’s
Today we’re going to cover a few bullet points of falling off the wagon. Chuck pony style; the kind that leaves you all warm and fuzzy inside, like a Meg Ryan movie (completely normal to cry to Joe And The Volcano).
Warm Thoughts Only
So here’s the scenario:
You’ve decided to finally commit yourself to eating better and working out.
You’ve been hitting training sessions pretty good, well, as best you can while still leaving optional room for thirsty Thursdays, liquid lunch Fridays and sweetness sweet Saturdays. Not to forget, blow my f*#*ing brains out Monday 🙂
None the less, you’re Hero-ing 3 days a week! With all due respect I’d say you’re one Celine Dion hit away from complete self-annihilation, however, here are some tips to cool your passive aggressive anger and abandonment fantasies. Take it away Johnny!
- When you want to eat something really-really-really bad, brush your teeth. If that doesn’t work, lift your shirt and gaze at your love lumps in the mirror. If that doesn’t do it, review your life insurance policy and see what it says about obesity and if there’s a Twix or Twinkie clause. Or in most cases, I’d suggest eating a clementine or orange first. Usually the sweetness of the citrus will curb some sugar cravings and lay those lovely lady lumps to rest.
- When you’re having a tantrum on training, remember if you do, you’ll be better than your closest friends at every sport in about 5 years. If that doesn’t help, remember being the HOTT DAD at the playground, BBQ’s, reunions, High School athletic events and the infatuation of all the other moms and wives is ridiculously rewarding.
- Put on a t-shirt from high school, or your favorite jeans or dress shirt that your girlfriend from three girlfriends past gifted you. Does it fit? If not, go on Facebook and find her latest profile pic. Does she look hot? Is her new boyfriend a good looking guy, maybe a little James Dean-esque-bad-boy? If so, I swear you’ll be at the gym and swallowing copious amounts of BCAA’s and protein powder in nanoseconds!
- Call your most successful friend and ask him to meet you at the gym. Usually, seeing someone kick some ass, leads to you kicking more ass! Just don’t slap asses in the gym. Cue the 1980’s-training-room-montage-scene!
- Call your ex-girlfriend, any should suffice, and ask her what went wrong. This list should provide ample weeks of hate and fantastic motivation.
- Go back in your head to a time you got your grill knocked in by the schoolyard bully. Imagine how good it would feel to approach him as an adult after a few months of hitting it hard and knocking his ass out! If he just so happens to be a UFC fighter then maybe you can revert to a memory when the lunch-lady shafted you a full serving of garlic rice ball or shitty corner piece of pizza with two sides of crust…. some people are just evil.
- Watch The Fighter or Rocky. Hell watch Designing Women if Anthony or Mary Jo inspire you. But watch something for fuel!
ADRENALINE SURGE!
- When all else fails pamper yourself bro. Cucumber eyes and facials. LIFE CHANGING!
LIVE THE DREAM! And adapted from the lyrics of John Lennon “peace and chicken grease”,
Rob Belley
Rock Star Workout
Granted, many limelight whores drench their systems with tangible excesses and illegal substances, however, not many people understand the escape a starlit world delivers. And very few people, unless closely associated with the camp, understand the work ethic, tenacity, drive, devotion and focus these individuals possess.
I am very lucky at Belley Fitness, in that I’ve had the opportunity to work with rock stars, albeit successful ones.
These are images of the past of workouts conquered and handled for 90 minutes or longer, nonstop.
Full scale assault on the body.
Many people would complain or even whence at the idea of this training.
Many people believe 30-45 minutes of activity 3-5 days per week is enough to look great and improve at a good pace.
Unfortunately, this is not the case.
Most of us in the know, train upwards of hours a day. I myself require roughly 9 hours a week to stay consistent or to maintain. Sucks but someone has to do it 😉 May as well be me.
These individuals also get it. They delve into workouts sometimes 2 hours in length. Not to mention yoga poses or light pre/rehab work first thing in the morning.
So the next time you see a Rockstar in amazing shape, remember, most often they’re not genetics, their body isn’t easy to attain because they’re celebrities and have access to trainers and personal chefs.
They have great bodies and are celebrity Rockstars because they simply try and little harder and have extreme focus.
Live the dream and create your own reality!
Belley
Ridiculously Fun and Challenging Private Fitness Studio
http://www.rbfit.com/
Marshfield, 4 minutes to the beaches 😉
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Must-Have! Shake Weight not required ;)
So you want strong forearms?
But you don’t want to look silly holding a shake weight.
Because quite frankly, it actually looks like you’re __________ something ___ while really _____ into it and honestly then the whole world knows how you look on ________ night while watching the latest coveted CINEMAX releases.
Plus, once everyone finds out, they all want you to ride middle on ski trips.
Not flattering.
So here’s your ANTI-SHAKE WEIGHT THURSDAY exercise!!!
Requirements:
A Horse
A pair of gloves
Just kidding 😉
It’s called a Burpee with Push and Pull-Up or Up Downs or Body Counters or anything clever the yoga community hasn’t thought of yet containing an animal and one adverb in the title.
Real Requirements:
You
Stationary bar fixed/mounted overhead
SIMPLE AS IT GETS!
Simply drop to the floor, into push-up position. Perform one push-up. Jump back to standing position while simultaneously leaping upward, grabbing the bar overhead, and pulling-yourself up. Drop, rinse, repeat.
Too easy.
Here’s a video link demonstrating for you.
[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/cdS1CPtI3N0" width="425" height="344" allowfullscreen="true" fvars="fs=1" /]
One of our stud athletes, Adam O’Reilly. He’s ballistic.
And if you want to get tricky, you can either add a weight vest for more resistance, OR, simply add in a muscle-up, as demonstrated by me here.
Stay real, and stay off the shake weight.
Because it makes you look _____ and didn’t your mother tell you never to represent yourself as such in public 😉
Live the dream!
Belley
www.myinsanityworkout.com
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Ridiculously Fun and Challenging Private Fitness Studio
St. Patrick’s Day Drugging
Like any respectable over 21 Bostonian (well, townie suburbanite south of Boston) on St Patrick’s Day I have a Commonwealth responsibility to uphold by honoring a watering hole and taking down a pint or two of beer, preferably Irish.
My choice is Guinness, as is most Bostonians on this day. Lucky for me the bar’s tap I attended in Boston flowed endless.
HOLIDAY BAR PREPARATION 101: Proper planning goes a long way 😉
Now, understand this day I did live my life normally.
4-6 organic and tailored meals to my physique and fitness goals with about 1-1½ gallons of water consumed throughout the course of the day.
I even had myself a little interval session about 2 hours before my first sip of Guinness at 8pm.
ROB’S INTERVAL WORKOUT:
Sled Sprints : 90-225 pounds x 25 yards x 11 sets
Active Recovery between Sprints : Superman’s : 60 seconds AMRAP
The above workout took me about 15 minutes.
After my training session I instructed a group personal training class for 45 minutes at my private fitness studio in Marshfield, changed, and headed to Boston across from Boston Garden.
Now this is when the night still feels familiar.
I enjoyed some conversation with one of the regular’s at the bar, which was packed of course, being Thursday night, Boston, and Saint Patrick’s Day. We threw a few Guinness back together and then he proceeded home. In fact, I also indulged in this delicious corned beef dinner with my few beers.
Straight Up BOSTON! Corned Beef Dinner with Guinness
Straight up Celtic-Bostonian traditional!
Then, as what usually occurs at a bar when I venture out, girls began having conversation with me. Mind you, I do not approach women. It’s not my style. I hang out and let people flow in and out of my space. In fact, I wasn’t even trying to entertain women seeing that I’m sort of involved right now.
Well these two girls decided to spend their evening engaged in conversation with me. Each trying to out-due the other as if one were better.
NOW HERE’S WHERE THE NIGHT IS NOT-SO-NORMAL.
I get up to use the bathroom. Normal.
I leave my beer on the bar at this establishment. Normal.
It is left with my friend bartending behind the bar. Normal.
It is left with two girls sitting next to my drink at the bar. Sort of normal.
I come back from the bar having a few more sips of familiar Guinness.
Meanwhile still texting friends who may be coming to meet me at the bar as I had been doing the previous two and a half hours.
I look at the clock it’s 11:04pm, gave myself a midnight curfew so I could be at my fitness studio to lead another group personal training class at 5:30am.
I look at the clock it’s 4:58am, according to my IRONMAN TRIATHLON wristwatch.
Just before I saw the clock I opened my eyes to see that there is vomit everywhere in my car, I am freezing. Thankfully not the type who panics I reference my memory to understand how this happened.
MY MIND IS BLANK.
Completely VACANT.
I quickly text my instructor-on-call and let her know that I can not make it to class on time and ask if she could lead it for me. Thankfully she says yes.
I attempt to operate my car home and sadly I can merely handle 40mph between the breakdown and the slow lane on I-93 south and Rt-3 south towards my residence in Pembroke.
The entire travel trying to understand what went wrong, how much I drank, who let me leave this way, knowing this isn’t normal for myself and hoping that I arrive safely.
I get home some 50 minutes later crashing into my bed; feeling awful, unnatural, and completely unhealthy. I know there must be some drug in my system at this point because I have not had a hangover in 15 years practically. This is FAR different.
I set my alarm for 8am to try and salvage part of my studio sessions that day (Friday).
I have the craziest dreams. So vivid, so real, it’s almost hard to believe they are not.
I awake, 10:53am, alarm sounding off, ridiculously late, dozens of missed phone calls and text messages from friends and clients.
I fall back asleep near 11:30am and reawaken at 1:40pm.
That’s near 12 hours of sleep for someone who averages 3-4 commonly. Seven hours on an occasional lucky day.
Until 6pm that evening I felt hazed. I could not even perform quick toe raises without the feeling of my brain meeting a sledgehammer quickly dismantling my every thought.
One of the worst effects from being “ruffied” is losing the desire to drink fluids and eat. I went hours before I could put any water in my stomach. Forcing down an organic navel orange took 15-20 minutes. I lost all appetite, but knew it was crucial to begin healing my body efficiently.
Now the next morning I woke up, made myself a frozen strawberry, frozen blueberry and frozen blackberries (all organic fruits) shake with low carb protein powder, had my multivitamin and a niacin capsule and headed to the St. Patrick’s Brant Rock 5k being held in Marshfield (office zip : Brant Rock) next to Arthur & Pat’s restaurant. I arrived with some of my dearest and favorite training family/clients. I ran a decent 21:27 (6:42/mile). Came in 42nd overall out of 1651 runners.
Im the guy in the white sleeveless wearing bib 1280
Not too shabby for a kid who had just been drugged with no control over his body just a day earlier.
After the run I headed to my fitness studio, Robert Belley Fitness, and punished my body with a 51 minute intensive session. Just for kicks, here’s my workout below:
A1) Outward Press 6-8
A2) DB Row 4-6
A3) Back Squat 7-9
A4) Weighted Pull-Ups 3-5
1 Sledge Hammer 75 sec
2 Box Jumps 45 sec
B1) Rack Pulls 5-8
B2) Bench Press (||) 3-5
B3) Clean 6-8
B4) X-Over Lunge 3-5
1 Hanging Leg Raise Hold
2 Plank
It was tough but good.
After my second workout I went home and continued to dig a fire pit my roommate Dominic started in the backyard. Nothing like open fire on the lake during the warmer seasons.
Now why on Earth would I do all this despite being hung over still from the rufilin (Rohypnol)? Because f**k that guy who drugged me that’s why.
I refuse to let someone feel they have the upper hand on me. And to be honest, if it were in a manner of legit ability I’m cool with that. But when someone cheats or tries to under hand I lose it. Very few things in life can do this to me but that is one of my peeves.
And honestly, this has long been my stance: if caught with Rohypnol (Flunitrazepam)or similar substance on their persons distributing or implementing it, should be a minimum 5-10 year sentence.
There is only intent to control another, dismantle their ability to function, stand, walk, remember, have choice, have freedom and protect themselves. It’s truly horrifying what a drug like that can do to someone’s life. I could have died in my attempt to save myself into my car. I could’ve been hit by an oncoming vehicle crossing the busy intersections of Boston, or fell and nailed my head off a curb or edge.
It is a central nervous system depressant in a class of drugs called benzodiazepines. Benzodiazepines are sedative-hypnotics used to treat anxiety, insomnia and sleep disorders, and seizure disorders; they are also used as skeletal-muscle relaxants.
above from http://www.cesar.umd.edu/cesar/drugs/rohypnol.pdffrom http://www.a1b2c3.com/drugs/roof_01.htm
Rohypnol has been prescribed as an effective sleeping pill and is also used as a sedative and preanesthetic medication in some countries. The effects of flunitrazepam are fairly long-acting. When combined with alcohol or other drugs, Rohypnol can impair judgment and motor skills and cause memory loss or blackouts (lasting 8 to 24 hours after ingestion). Loss of inhibition can also occur, with or without alcohol. A person under the influence of Rohypnol can appear to be drunk, display no coordination, blood-shot eyes and slurred speech.Sedation can occur as soon as 20 minutes after ingestion. The drug’s effects will peak within 2 hours and may persist for up to 8 hours or more, depending on the dosage. Other adverse effects associated with flunitrazepam include visual disturbances, drowsiness, confusion, decreased blood pressure, memory impairment, gastrointestinal disturbances and urinary retention. When mixed with alcohol, Rohypnol may cause respiratory depression, aspiration or even death. Although classified as a depressant, Rohypnol can rarely induce excitability or aggressive behavior
Again, I did not know I did this or that I left because under this drug you have no abilities or control of your actions.
EVERYTHING IS VACANT.
My driver’s side door is keyed literally over 20 times because I can tell that I must’ve been on my knees, fallen next to my car trying to crawl into it and repeatedly missing the door lock. The scratches travel all the way south along the panel to the bottom of the door. There are key scratches and gouges all around the key lock within 18 inches. That’s how uncoordinated you become on this drug.
It’s deadly and absolutely abusive to do this to someone.
Thank god I did not drive my vehicle under that condition and had the sense to just sit, lock myself in, and throw the keys on the passenger area as to not reach easily. If I had driven I would’ve killed someone or myself potentially. And most likely it would’ve appeared as drunk-driving although it was obviously the furthest from.
Placing someone’s life in a position where they have absolutely no control over it through a chemical means is attempted murder. No doubt.
You have no way to predict what will happen next to that individual while they react or behave under said influence. I could’ve been beaten in the street for bumping into the wrong headstrong person that night and woken up in an alley stabbed, murdered and robbed. Who knows?
The possibilities under that influence are devastating.
AND THANK GOD IT HAPPENED TO ME AND NOT A WOMAN THAT NIGHT AT THE BAR.
At least I’m a durable, strong metabolism, calm individual under said situation who can take a load of abuse before something would ever give. I can only imagine others may have gone to the hospital, stomach pumped, or been raped or robbed or…
I’m fortunate it happened to me and not to a female at the bar. I hope.
So please, if anything, always hold your drink in your hand. Even if you’re somewhere you feel safe and know people do not let your hands off of your drink.
It’s rare for guys to be ruffied but when there are jealous and insecure people around anything can happen to confident individuals as myself. Just be careful.
Rob
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2011 Boston Marathon… Are YOU training yet??
Ever found yourself in a lucid state, thoughts thoughtless, unable to walk straight, speech slurred, feeling as if you’re drifting away and flying on a high?
Lucid Is as Lucid Does
Well I did after my last run on Saturday. I severely neglected the impact of Massachusetts frost. I ran myself into a small case of hypothermia after a 14 mile run. But I made a couple mistakes that I’m about to tell you right now to help you not make the same mistakes as me. Let me tell you what I did first though.
I wore a pair of running tights with a pair of wicking shorts on over them. I also wore 2 layers of cold gear compression long-sleeve shirts. I accessorized with a pair of gloves, compression skull cap, Robert Belley Fitness winter hat, iPod sleeve and one 16.9 ounce bottle of Poland Springs water.
For a 14.2 mile run along 45 mph routes 27, 106 and 36 through Pembroke, Kingston, Plympton and Halifax, back into Pembroke.
So here’s what happened…
Careful, could lead to hypothermia 🙂
After the first 6.4 miles in 18-22 degree temperature I went into a Cumberland Farms on the corner of route 27 and route 106 in Kingston because I was starving from my body working harder in the cold and the last meal I had was about 5 hours prior. Well this store was about 70-75 degrees and walking around soaked from sweat in cold temps I now felt like heaven as I grabbed a Power Bar and Gatorade recovery drink.
Leaving the store I was freezing when I stepped outside, but, I still had nearly 8 miles left to run. It took me about 10 minutes if not more just to feel slightly warmer again during my run. Unfortunately I had already begun creating the damage.
By the time I reached my cool-down I could barely function properly and realized what I accomplished accidently. My body was shutting down and I was struggling making my way back home, walking through people’s yard to pick up fresh snow and eat it for hydration.
Could Save Your Life 😉
Now that’s a party!
Maybe not Charlie Sheen, duffle bag of cocaine, porn star, vodka ATV party but a party none the less.
Thank you for the $30,000 check Charles =)
So let’s bullet point my demise:
- Drank too much on Friday night leading to dehydrated state on Saturday
- Ate breakfast of apple sausages (fat and protein are inefficient fuels and require more water than carbs to digest properly)
- Only had one meal, no snacks for 5 hours before run
- Wore only running tights and wicking shorts.
- Forgot lip balm
- Did not moisturize face before run while exposed to elements for 2 full hours
- Walked into a really warm room long enough for heart rate to return to normal
- Only brought 17 ounces of water with me. Body works harder in colder temps thus needing more water to stay hydrated.
The entire above was extremely careless and foolish of me. It took about 2-3 hours for me to warm up to normal temp afterwards and my fingers tingled for up to 2 hours after my arrival. First thing I was strip off my wet clothes and jumped into 3 layers of warm clothes and sat under a fleece blanket while drinking a huge recovery shake.
So what did I do right? Bullets please…
- Brought $5 cash with me just in case I needed to buy extra water, GU packets or something to eat
- Brought one of my cell phones with me just in case I needed to call for help because of an injury or accident while running over ice
- Told my roommate the exact route I was running, how long it should take and to come get me if I were more than 30 minutes late
- Listened to kick-ass music to increase motivation and energy while running
- Wore my big boy pants and didn’t give up or give in when things got tough
And what should I have done extra to ensure I didn’t hypothermia?
- All of the above 4 bullet points
- Had an snack 30 minutes or more prior to my run of fruit or healthy quick acting carbohydrate
- Hydrated relentlessly the entire morning after a night of drinking, or not drank alcohol at all the night prior
- Put lip balm on, moisturizer for exposed skin and brought lip balm with me
- Had 2-3 times more water during my 2 hour run
- Brought GU packets or other carb-spiking energy chew/shot for every 45 minutes of running
- Wore an extra layer of track pants or similar over my running tights and shorts
All of that would have prevented my reaction to cold.
So there’s your New England Winter running survival kit during colder temps.
Live the lucid dream,
Belley
Train Hard? Think You Can Train Harder?
Marshfield, Massachusetts
Robert Belley Fitness
Miss Massachusetts 2011
With the last post we had the delightful opportunity to touch upon the very things we hold dearest, fatty foods and expanding jeans. Truly one the greatest pastimes in American post-microwaveable meals.
So why not compliment the previous post with one about the recent Miss Massachusetts pageant?
Makes about as much sense as slicing the other three tires on your car after you’ve popped one.
How could you have one without the other? While some girls are showing off magic tricks with turkey drumsticks and canned cranberry sauce others are meticulously watching every bite of baby food and nearly puking in the gym to present that unbelievable figure. GO TEAM SKINNIES!!!
I was fortunate enough to have one of my clients in the pageant this year. She recently came off a sash victory and her odds looked very good entering the 2011 Miss Mass.
She trained hard within the studio confines of Robert Belley Fitness. We even did supplemental workouts at a high school track and she trained on her own near nightly at another gym for her cardio and ab work. She was determined.
Not to mention liquid diets, abstinence from alcohol most weeks, no foolish carbs and lots of blueberries.
She did a great job and lost a number of pounds you would’ve been hard pressed to find on her before we started training. Her beauty was already world-class prior to our sessions: very fit and lean. But at this level, it takes a bit more to stand on stage among the best of the best Massachusetts has to offer.
The last Miss Mass to win Miss America was 2003. So it’s been a while since one has been the best of the best of the best in this great country.
But alas, she looked amazing in her red swimsuit, and elegant and gorgeous in her evening gown. Both were a smash with the audience and judges. She landed herself a position as a semi-finalist. Can you guess which one she is here?
So who brought the cool kid?
These girls were total smoke-shows!
Their bellies were amazing, not to mention their resumes. These girls were totally polished and accomplished. Before training my client, I had no idea how intelligent these girls were or how much they had accomplished in their careers so early: total blend of beauty and brains.
I can see why most girls hate these girls. They try a little harder than most others at career, appearance, community and self-improvement. Most people in general are not fans of those attributes.
They’d rather hope something falls into their laps and happens for them rather than making it happen and actually earning it.
Sad but true.
And with dieting and fitness, these girls are usually multifaceted athletes, with strict eating plans, and little sleep, balancing a career at the same time while training near 2 structured hours daily, and with holding from eating chips, cookies, pasta, anything from a box and consuming near only protein through powders, fresh meats and seafood.
It’s truly remarkable how much they handle for one night to impress.
And once that level is reached, they must work even harder to impress at the national level. And if that goes through, F%$#, the world level is insane!
But I’ll tell you, there’s something fascinating about watching very attractive women sweating, exhausting themselves, growling and near puking while still smiling and asking “What’s next?”
I love it and can’t wait to start the training regime for 2012!
So we can all learn something from this:
Sitting down = FAT
Eating MOST packaged foods =FAT
Not working intelligently and disciplined = FAT
Unstructured/non-goal oriented training = FAT
Not being athletically minded = FAT
Oversleeping = FAT
On the other hand:
Applying oneself = HOTT
Time management = HOTT
Being Active ALL DAY = HOTT
Training with PURPOSE = HOTT
Eating only what you NEED = HOTT
Dead lifting more than yourself = HOTT
Being a selfless and great person = HOTT
Trying to be better than someone = HOTT
Focusing on the athletic task at hand = HOTT
Accepting pain IS normal to the process = HOTT
Bringing awareness to help less fortunate = HOTT
Being quietly confident and assured of self = HOTT
Not complaining about your self-created-life =HOTT
Being lovely, elegant, assertive, emphatic, driven = HOTT
Training like a badass, laughing at imposed challenges = HOTT
Motivating people to be better versions of themselves = HOTT
Having the means to make others self-reflect without a word = HOTT
Live the dream,
Rob Belley
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Holy F$#% Where Did That Come From?!
Holy F$#% Where Did That Come From?!
Its second set of hips season again 😉
As you all know, Holidays actually spells Crisco… for technical term, reference Belley’s Dictionary:
Ho-li-days adv
Definition of HOLIDAYS
: the seasonal period between the gobble gobble gee and the fat bearded man who chimney sweeps and races deer : often times encompassing the famed days of absurdly pathological drinking and collegiate level bowl hangover viewing
“OMG, Becky. Look at her butt. It is so big. She looks like one of those rap guys girlfriends… They only talk to her because she looks like a total prostitute, ok. I mean her butt. It’s just so big. I can’t believe it’s just so round. It’s just so out there. I mean, GROSS.”
circa B.C. “Does thie brontosaurus burger make me look fat?”
Do you want to be the obsessively stared at second butt to Becky and her BFF?
I’d think not.
Don't be too tight spandex girl at the Burger King
So let’s avoid the unofficially knighted Sir Mix-A-Lot’s theory and suggestion to “Playin workout tapes by Fonda. But Fonda ain’t got a motor in the back of her Honda” because he clearly did not foresee high fructose corn syrup and McDonald’s terrorizing weaker Americans fat cells.
But I guess when you’re knighted by 23 with no University or England affiliation and your entire catalog is about bums what can you ask for?
This Has To Be a Fake. His head is ginormous
And none the less, he’ll never overtake the King and his Burger Sponge Bob promo. Mix-a-Lot changed his lyrics just for the king… although kind of perverse to lure young children for toys into the burger lair.
This guy will tell ya something about fat booties
I heart America J
Next post, I’ll tell you all about the real rigors of becoming Miss Massachusetts 😉 Little did I know being over the age of 25 and being a man constitutes no-entry to the event… formalities.
Live the dream square pant obesity protesting friends,
Rob Belley
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